I just threw up on my dentist
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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