It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
