This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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