You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
