how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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