I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize