i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
