He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
