nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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