Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize