I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
