is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
