she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
