1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
