so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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