I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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