Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
too bad you live with your parents still
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
