Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
