Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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