Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
