epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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