Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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