i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
