it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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