At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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