Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
