i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
