Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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