So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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