sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
