Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
