Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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