I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
