Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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