): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
whose parrot is this?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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