Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
