let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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