Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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