Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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