After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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