I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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