walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
