If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
