remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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