i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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