it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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