I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize