Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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