just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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