I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
