Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
