Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
