So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
