absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
