I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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