I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize