I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
