she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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