so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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