he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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