You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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