Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
