i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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