I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
