I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
