I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Operation Purity has been aborted
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
