she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
you never un-have a 4some
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