I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
