Im at strip club and am horny
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
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