Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
