they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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