i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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