why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
