I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
