I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
