Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
