I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
